I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
