my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
