Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
