Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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