There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
