I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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