Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
