Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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