We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
