don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
