Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
