was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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