I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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