totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude. I can hear the air.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
