i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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