I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Panties = found
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