Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
