dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Boobs are out for the taking
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
