Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
