this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
