How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we're making bets on your personal life
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
