Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
