Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
