I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are two peas in an std pod
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
