even my farts smell like vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
