Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
