Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize