1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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