you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How external is "for external use only"?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
