i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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