my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
