this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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