I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
