I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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