Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
