I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
