Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
