If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im six kinds of drunk right now
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
