Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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