We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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