I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
