I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
