There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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