I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
