do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
