you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
