dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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