I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
