I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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