ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
