i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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