I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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