So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
