now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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