Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
