sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
