I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize