There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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