i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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