it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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