Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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