and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't make out with my wife yet
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
