hotel room ftw
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I smell like Dick and happiness
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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