so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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