I am puke
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
