I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you win again, gameday.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
