I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
