I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
