we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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