I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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